This is ALICE, writing, how may I help you?

I wake up in empty mornings on empty beds. I know where you are and I know where to find you, but I wish you were here and that I do not have to. I wish you were beside me, while the dark sky covers the stars, and we travel to where imaginations run wild. I would do it again, what we did:

On the first night, you slept by my side. I turned away from you, and closed my eyes at the wall, but I kept your hand close. And somehow, before I knew it, I reached it, and held it, until sleep had overcome my fragile mind.

On the last night, you slept by my side, again. But this time I faced you, and I held you close. And I loved it. Very much. You watched me as I slept soundly. I will never forget.

Tonight, I will sleep again (on a different bed, in a different room), and tomorrow morning I will ceaselessly long for you. The other side is waiting, as I crave for your familiar scent to linger on my pillows. In my mind, a dream forms. You come home, to our home, and you will hold me. Every single night.

But for now, I wake up in empty mornings on empty beds.

I opened the gate and went out for a walk. I didn’t know why I was doing it, but the brightly-lit evening sky was a sight to see. Stars bespangle the black canopy every one after another.

I thought about him. I thought about what the lyrics from his song say, and I realize that it is neither for me nor about me. It was for someone else. For Paula. And with this knowledge in my heart, I feel lost. I feel as if I have nowhere to go. I didn’t cry, but then and there I felt terribly lonely. Like something was missing, and I don’t even know which one is it.

Why,

oh why, must I torture myself? I feel so upset.

I am an ambitious little girl, with my head too much in the clouds. But today I think I need time - to sort my very cluttered mind. An escape from the trivialities of life, and into the peaceful clearing, where heavy footsteps are muffled by the grass, or the buzzing of the bee is louder than ever… into this place where I can properly hear my thoughts, and listen to the whispers of my silent, but untamed heart.